This week it was revealed that teachers are currently using training packs which suggest sex as young as 13 is ‘normal.’
The
‘traffic light tool’ which was sent out to schools up and down the
country by sexual health advice service Brook also suggests that
masturbation and kissing are OK between children as young as nine.
But
how does losing your virginity at 13 really affect you? We spoke to one
woman, who wished to remain anonymous, who said that it was one of the
worst things that could ever have happened to her.
Now an
adult, she explained that as a young girl she entered into a
relationship with an older teenager and it was only in later life that
she realised that their sexual behavior was wrong.
She
said: ‘I lost my virginity at the age of 13. At the time I had an
18-year-old boyfriend who I thought was the epitome of cool because he
used to pick me up from school on his motorbike.
‘We were together, on and off, for almost three years in the end, and I always used to describe him as my first love.
‘That
was, until I grew up and fell in real, adult love, and realised that
all I ever had with him was a case of extreme infatuation.’
The
woman - who was outraged when The Family Education Trust bought the
‘traffic light tool’ to the public’s attention - explained that the sex
was planned and that she was on the pill at the time.
‘I
definitely didn't have sex because all my friends were doing it, and it
wasn't really a social-climbing exercise either, but I did want my
boyfriend to stay with me.'
However,
that didn't stop her riding an emotional roller coaster that she feels
she would have been better equipped for had she not been so young.
‘When
we did, inevitably, split up on numerous occasions the emotional
fallout was unprecedented. I would weep for days in my room, refuse to
eat and obsess over whichever girl it was that he'd dumped me for that
time.
‘It was unhealthy and borderline unhinged, but then, I was only 13 years old.’
Having heard the latest news she is adamant that young children should not be taught that sex at such a young age is normal.
‘I
have a 15-year-old niece now, and she's still such a child in my eyes.
The idea of an older man convincing her to have sex with him makes my
blood boil, and she's two whole years older than I was when I was doing
just that.
GLOBAL AGES OF CONSENT
The age of consent varies massively around the world, from 13 to 20...
- Japan: 13
- Germany: 14
- Iraq: 18
- France: 15
- Austria: 14
- Tunisia: 20
- Finland: 16
- Italy 14
- Greece: 15
‘My
mum knew about what I was doing at the time and whilst I don’t blame
her entirely I do wish she'd tried to reason with me, perhaps told me
that I didn't need to have sex with a boy to keep him interested.'
Our case study says that having sex so young skewed the way she viewed relationships.
‘Being in an intimate relationship at such a young age definitely made me see sex in the wrong way.
‘For
many years after I broke up with my first boyfriend, I didn't have much
self-respect and slept with quite a few people that I wish I hadn't.
‘I
was simply not emotionally mature enough to deal with a sexual
relationship and, while I don't necessarily regret the person I chose to
lose it with, I do 100 per cent regret doing it so soon.’
She
went on to say, ‘Children should definitely NOT be taught that sex at
13 is normal. The age of consent is in place for a reason.
‘I
think it would be good to be taught more about the emotional side of a
sexual relationship as well as just the mechanics and scaremongering.
‘Yes, you might get an STI or even pregnant, but what about the psychological damage to your young teenage mind.
‘It's
a tough enough time already without adding those woes to the list.
Children should be allowed and encouraged to stay young for as long as
possible – we're all growing up far too fast these days.
‘Save sex for the right person AND the right time.’
The Brook 'Traffic Light Tool' states
that for children as yoiung as 13 'green behaviour' includes 'consenting
oral and/or penetrative sex'
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